Marriages and madness

 

Of the many wattsapp forwards I receive everyday one that I got a couple of days back set off my thinking nerves jingling in all directions. It was a video clip of a news report carried by a local TV channel, on a wedding in Uppaka Village of Bhadradri Kothagudem a district in Telangana. It was a video clip of a pitched battle between the brides and grooms family. The reason for the skirmish was the Girl’s family not serving mutton to the guests. Of all the reasons I have heard since I understood the concept of a wedding and the tradition of not disappointing the grooms family’s demands this was the weirdest. According to the report the trouble started when the groom’s party was being served the wedding feast and one of the guests asked for mutton curry, the person who was serving a relative of the girl’s replied there was only chicken curry and no mutton. At this the guest got annoyed and abused the girl’s side, the server replied in the same tone and hot and harsh words were exchanged between the guests of both sides. Within no time more of the grooms and brides family and friends joined in the argument and it degenerated into a free for all with fists, chairs and tables being used as weapons. Finally peace prevailed on the intervention of the village elders and the marriage solemnised and the girl sent off to her inlaws home.

Marriages are said to be made in heaven and solemnised on earth. But I guess it is beyond even Gods immense capabilities to match the temperament of both the grooms and brides family members. If God made matches keeping all the variables of the myriad relatives in the equation, it would make many couples married life a true bliss. Failing that we mere mortals have to live with the failings of our respective sides inability to meet the high standards to which our respective inlaws and their entourage of relatives expect the marriage to be solemnised. I still remember my grandmother telling my aunt how in her marriage I mean my aunts, her parents gifted my grandmother gold earnings when in all the marriages that year the groom’s mother was given a gold chain. Poor aunt she had to bear with this complaint for nearly two decades till my grandmother left for her heavenly abode. I am sure almost all families have a similar tale of unmet expectations in their repertoire of marital grievances.

Forget the material expectations it is the other incidents where the expectations of the guests and the extended families are not met and their antics to show displeasure while still being a part of the wedding festivities that make our Indian marriages events to remember for years. The bua and pupaji who sulk during all the rituals are passé as are the uncles and aunts who take grudge on the youngsters not paying them enough attention or listening to their advice on the correct way of doing things. The most common incidents where mountains were made of molehills is to do with as the was in the wedding in Uppaka village to do with food and wine.

 

When one of my husband’s cousins was getting married, the girls family categorically stated that they will serve vegetarian fare on the wedding day and no alcohol would be allowed. Now in our community liquor with kebabs and biryani and dum ka murg is de rigeur, it is more important than the pandit performing the marriage. Though the Grooms father was OK with this the other members of the family were not and made alternate arrangements. The practice today for the baraat procession is to start from the grooms side, where the people dance and go for about a hundred metres or so and then disband and gather again at a location near the wedding hall where the baraat reassembles and walk in to the wedding venue. In this case the baraat was to reassemble in front of a cousins home. And he made the necessary kebab and sharab arrangements for all the groom’s guests. As scheduled the baraat started from the grooms house and after a brief spell of dancing to the band everyone disbanded and went to the venue where the baraat was to reassemble. Now all the baraatis went into the cousins house leaving the groom along with a few kids in the flower bedecked car sitting on the road waiting for the rest of the baraat to come refreshed and start the walk to the function hall. It speaks a lot of the cousins hospitality that the grooms entourage of cousins, uncles, and friends had such a rollicking time that they forgot the poor groom sitting on the road in all his finery. After waiting for more than a hour the frustrated and angry groom called his brother in law and threatened to come inside and join them if the baraat did not start immediately. After this threat the barati’s slowly trickled out and the baraat reached the venue around mid night.

A year later my nephew got married and his inlaws laid down the same no nonveg and no liquor rule for the marriage day. To avoid the similar fate as his uncle, my nephew had the brilliant idea of organising starters and liquor in the cars in the parking lot of the function hall. Accordingly a special area in the parking lot was set aside for these special cars and leaving no scope for error the nephew also applied for and received liquor permission for the marriage, though without his inlaws knowing about it. Everything was fine till the baraat reached the wedding venue, however as soon as the groom disembarked from the decked up car and was escorted to the welcome area almost all the baraati’s abandoned the groom and went off in search of the cup that cheers. While the youngsters converged at the cars in the parking lot where arrangements were made the older generation made off to the hotels and homes nearby where arrangements were made for them. The poor groom who was expecting the usual playfulness and teasing and light hearted fun at the Jaimal had the company of his old aunts and young pre teens and the whole exercise was over in a few minutes instead of the usual half hour of puns and good natured ribbing between the girls and grooms side. Finally when the wedding rituals were nearing completion the baraati’s returned flushed with cheer and happiness to bless the couple and take the baraat home.

The most hilarious though embarrassing wedding reception that people still recall with shudders was held a few years back. The grooms father a teetotaller refused to entertain any suggestions on serving liquor. And the groom being a teetotaller himself fully agreed with his father. Some of the younger generation refused to comply with the hosts rules and made surreptitious arrangements for liquor in their cars. Even as the reception was in full swing, there was a commotion that the task force had raided the venue for illegal consumption and serving of liquor. All the youngsters and a few of the elders who were surreptitiously enjoying a drink in the obscurity of the cars started running and hiding. The police confiscated and the liquor from the cars and was taking the grooms father into custody when some of the seniors intervened and others called in their contacts in the police force and the Government to pacify and settle the issue. Finally after more than an hour of pleading and the use of influence the situation was  defused and the police departed after confiscating the liquor bottles and collecting a fine and warning to not repeat the mistake in future. It transpired later that most of the invitees knowing the hosts nature had made their own arrangements with their respective friends and most of the cars were being used as bar counters with snacks being commissioned from the reception spread. It is still a mystery as to who gave a tipoff to the police on liquor being consumed. Even today when this incident is recalled it has people catching their stomachs doubled over with laughter recollecting the stalwarts of the community running to hide from the police in their pristine suits and sherwanis.