Emotions all around

 

We humans tend to project our emotions and thoughts onto animals and humanise them as a way to accepting them in our lives and homes. That is why I think we have Uncle scrooge a miserly duck, the lovable pranksters cat and mouse ie tom and jerry. And the loving couple rats mickey and Minnie mouse. I realised this tendency of ours today when we sisters got together after a long time. I think we today was the second time we met since the imposition of the lockdown in march. A very long time for the three of us who used to meet every week.

As usual once the usual talk of our loved and hated ones tapered off the conversation went on to nonsensical things. My sister has set up a small garden in her modest balcony and in it has a bird feeder and water bowl. After giving us a visual tour of this green corner of her apartment, she proudly informed us a lot of birds come to her balcony to feed, and speaking of these birds she narrated this story of two parrots that visit her garner every morning. It seems a parrot couple has been coming everyday for the last month and have been joined by a new female parrot for the last few days. Now according to my sister, since the new female has joined the couple there has been a drastic change in their dynamics. Whereas previously the parrots used to be lovey and dovey and cooed to each other, now the male parrot and the female parrot fight and argue the whole time they feed while the extra female parrot keeps quiet taking in her feed and minds her own business while looking at these two parrots with derision,  sometimes she butts into the argument the other two parrots are having, at which one of the arguing parrots snaps at her and she resumes her silent feed, eating till it is time to go.

Now my sister spun a story on this, as per her thinking the original parrot couple were husband and wife and the new comer must be the husbands new girlfriend and because of her the husband and wife have started fighting. The wife must be nagging the husband to get rid of the girlfriend but the husband parrot is adamant and is bringing her to the seed restaurant to date and woo her, which the wife is objecting to. And the silent parrot is the girlfriend who is having her seed and eating it too and needles the wife in between the other two’s argument for some fun and mischief and to show her hold over the husband.

My elder sister came up with her own version of the parrots family drama. According to her the arguing couple is the husband and the girlfriend parrot. And the girlfriend parrot wants the husband to leave his wife and move in with her. And the husband parrot is coming up with reasons why he cannot leave his wife. The wife parrot fully conversant with her husbands philandering ways is secure that he may dally with the girlfriend for some time but will not leave her come what may. Hence she serenely has been feed and in between advises the girlfriend to leave her husband and fly away for her own good.

An argument ensued between all of us as to whose version is more probable, before the argument escalated my brother in law who has seen many such arguments escalate from vague topics to sisterly accusations of deeds and misdeeds perpetrated in the past intervened and said, let us see how many more scenarios you can all can come up with to explain the parrots fights. At this my youngest sister who has spent the initial years of her married life in a joint family and is fully in tune with in laws politics, piped in saying the new comer could be either the sister or mother of the husband and has come to him with complaints on the wife. And the wife being the wise one is leaving the husband to defend her to his sister and mother. While at the same time adding in her complaints and views at strategic points in the discussion to keep the emotions boiling and giving feed to her husband’s agruments.

And the discussion continued with different and unlikely versions coming up like the new parrot being a bill collector to being a marriage counsellor and on and on. Finally my brother in law said, why are you all being so prim and proper and your versions are all like old times, you should come up with versions that are in tune with current times. He continued, may be the new parrot is the girlfriend of the wife and they both want to set up a nest together. And the husband is arguing against this. This new spin on the old tale silenced us, while we were still trying to think up a scenario to up the one my brother in law came up with, my niece piped up and said maybe the new parrot is a female Arnab Goswami and she and the husband are discussing the SSR case. End of story, none of us could beat it.

Marriages and madness

 

Of the many wattsapp forwards I receive everyday one that I got a couple of days back set off my thinking nerves jingling in all directions. It was a video clip of a news report carried by a local TV channel, on a wedding in Uppaka Village of Bhadradri Kothagudem a district in Telangana. It was a video clip of a pitched battle between the brides and grooms family. The reason for the skirmish was the Girl’s family not serving mutton to the guests. Of all the reasons I have heard since I understood the concept of a wedding and the tradition of not disappointing the grooms family’s demands this was the weirdest. According to the report the trouble started when the groom’s party was being served the wedding feast and one of the guests asked for mutton curry, the person who was serving a relative of the girl’s replied there was only chicken curry and no mutton. At this the guest got annoyed and abused the girl’s side, the server replied in the same tone and hot and harsh words were exchanged between the guests of both sides. Within no time more of the grooms and brides family and friends joined in the argument and it degenerated into a free for all with fists, chairs and tables being used as weapons. Finally peace prevailed on the intervention of the village elders and the marriage solemnised and the girl sent off to her inlaws home.

Marriages are said to be made in heaven and solemnised on earth. But I guess it is beyond even Gods immense capabilities to match the temperament of both the grooms and brides family members. If God made matches keeping all the variables of the myriad relatives in the equation, it would make many couples married life a true bliss. Failing that we mere mortals have to live with the failings of our respective sides inability to meet the high standards to which our respective inlaws and their entourage of relatives expect the marriage to be solemnised. I still remember my grandmother telling my aunt how in her marriage I mean my aunts, her parents gifted my grandmother gold earnings when in all the marriages that year the groom’s mother was given a gold chain. Poor aunt she had to bear with this complaint for nearly two decades till my grandmother left for her heavenly abode. I am sure almost all families have a similar tale of unmet expectations in their repertoire of marital grievances.

Forget the material expectations it is the other incidents where the expectations of the guests and the extended families are not met and their antics to show displeasure while still being a part of the wedding festivities that make our Indian marriages events to remember for years. The bua and pupaji who sulk during all the rituals are passé as are the uncles and aunts who take grudge on the youngsters not paying them enough attention or listening to their advice on the correct way of doing things. The most common incidents where mountains were made of molehills is to do with as the was in the wedding in Uppaka village to do with food and wine.

 

When one of my husband’s cousins was getting married, the girls family categorically stated that they will serve vegetarian fare on the wedding day and no alcohol would be allowed. Now in our community liquor with kebabs and biryani and dum ka murg is de rigeur, it is more important than the pandit performing the marriage. Though the Grooms father was OK with this the other members of the family were not and made alternate arrangements. The practice today for the baraat procession is to start from the grooms side, where the people dance and go for about a hundred metres or so and then disband and gather again at a location near the wedding hall where the baraat reassembles and walk in to the wedding venue. In this case the baraat was to reassemble in front of a cousins home. And he made the necessary kebab and sharab arrangements for all the groom’s guests. As scheduled the baraat started from the grooms house and after a brief spell of dancing to the band everyone disbanded and went to the venue where the baraat was to reassemble. Now all the baraatis went into the cousins house leaving the groom along with a few kids in the flower bedecked car sitting on the road waiting for the rest of the baraat to come refreshed and start the walk to the function hall. It speaks a lot of the cousins hospitality that the grooms entourage of cousins, uncles, and friends had such a rollicking time that they forgot the poor groom sitting on the road in all his finery. After waiting for more than a hour the frustrated and angry groom called his brother in law and threatened to come inside and join them if the baraat did not start immediately. After this threat the barati’s slowly trickled out and the baraat reached the venue around mid night.

A year later my nephew got married and his inlaws laid down the same no nonveg and no liquor rule for the marriage day. To avoid the similar fate as his uncle, my nephew had the brilliant idea of organising starters and liquor in the cars in the parking lot of the function hall. Accordingly a special area in the parking lot was set aside for these special cars and leaving no scope for error the nephew also applied for and received liquor permission for the marriage, though without his inlaws knowing about it. Everything was fine till the baraat reached the wedding venue, however as soon as the groom disembarked from the decked up car and was escorted to the welcome area almost all the baraati’s abandoned the groom and went off in search of the cup that cheers. While the youngsters converged at the cars in the parking lot where arrangements were made the older generation made off to the hotels and homes nearby where arrangements were made for them. The poor groom who was expecting the usual playfulness and teasing and light hearted fun at the Jaimal had the company of his old aunts and young pre teens and the whole exercise was over in a few minutes instead of the usual half hour of puns and good natured ribbing between the girls and grooms side. Finally when the wedding rituals were nearing completion the baraati’s returned flushed with cheer and happiness to bless the couple and take the baraat home.

The most hilarious though embarrassing wedding reception that people still recall with shudders was held a few years back. The grooms father a teetotaller refused to entertain any suggestions on serving liquor. And the groom being a teetotaller himself fully agreed with his father. Some of the younger generation refused to comply with the hosts rules and made surreptitious arrangements for liquor in their cars. Even as the reception was in full swing, there was a commotion that the task force had raided the venue for illegal consumption and serving of liquor. All the youngsters and a few of the elders who were surreptitiously enjoying a drink in the obscurity of the cars started running and hiding. The police confiscated and the liquor from the cars and was taking the grooms father into custody when some of the seniors intervened and others called in their contacts in the police force and the Government to pacify and settle the issue. Finally after more than an hour of pleading and the use of influence the situation was  defused and the police departed after confiscating the liquor bottles and collecting a fine and warning to not repeat the mistake in future. It transpired later that most of the invitees knowing the hosts nature had made their own arrangements with their respective friends and most of the cars were being used as bar counters with snacks being commissioned from the reception spread. It is still a mystery as to who gave a tipoff to the police on liquor being consumed. Even today when this incident is recalled it has people catching their stomachs doubled over with laughter recollecting the stalwarts of the community running to hide from the police in their pristine suits and sherwanis.

 

The romance of the morning tea

 

The Americans take their coffee on the go, if you happen to be driving during the morning hours in the US, you will see a majority of the drivers having their coffee while driving to work. While America works on coffee, the English and their tea is a tradition. The English tea in flowered porcelain cups are as much English as bread pudding. But no where in the world has the making and taking of tea acquired a cult status as it is India.

From the kadak chai of Mumbai to the Irani chai of Hyderabad every Indian has his or own favourite way of making the brew that India wakes upto. We Indians do not believe in the making tea as the world does, with the tea leaves seeped in hot water and had with a little cream or sugar. Like our cuisine we prefer our tea to be robust. Based on personal preferences, the tea is made either with full milk or half milk and half water, which has to be boiled and simmered and sugar and tea leaves till its aroma wafts around the surroundings and wakes up the soul. 

Each person I have seen has his or her own idiosyncrasy associated with the first cup of the day, some like it scalding hot right from the kettle on the stove to their cup and their lips in a matter of minutes if not seconds any delay and they say it is as cold as water. While some prefer it luke warm and some take it downright cold. The variations are as varied as there are races, one of my cousins wants his tea to be served hot with steam rising from the cup, he would take the cup place it on a table near him and watch it till the steam slowly subsides, when  only then would he take the first sip. Give him a cup of tea that is not scalding hot and he would send it back saying the tea is cold. When asked the response was classic, “watching the steam rise from the tea enhances the pleasure of anticipation it is the same as the romance of waiting for ones beloved” .

This set me off thinking of tea and romance Indian style and what I observed was that no matter how harried the life of the Indian couple, no matter how hard up he is for time and space no matter how rushed the days, irrespective of age and social status morning tea time is a time for romance Indian style. And each couple has perfected its own style of romantic tea ritual.

I know this couple, the husband makes the morning tea as he is the one to get up earlier of the two and after his morning walk returns home and makes the tea and wakes up his wife, by the time she finishes her morning rituals the tea is ready. The husband serves the tea along with the biscuits and takes it out in the verdandah, where the couple enjoy their first cup of the day. Now, the wife takes extra sugar in the tea, and it is the husbands duty, once she is seated across him to add the extra sugar to the tea and stir it and hand over the cup to her. And if the husband adds in the extra sugar in the kitchen she takes a sip of the tea and leaves it saying its not done properly. And the days when the husband is off on tours, she has no trouble with making and drinking the tea by herself.

Then there is this other couple who have their first cup of tea in the balcony of their apartment, while reading the paper. The husband reads the paper while the wife prepares the morning tea and brings it out to the balcony. Once she places the tea cups on the table the husband stops reading the paper and gives it to his wife, who reads the paper while the husband drinks the tea. Once she finishes reading the paper, the husband removes the thin layer of cream that forms on the tea if left to cool, and hands over the cup to the wife.

The one with most consequences was the ritual of one of my many aunts and uncles, it was the husbands duty to make the morning cup of tea for the wife. My aunt after having the cup of tea would enter the kitchen only after her husband served her tea. She would not have the morning tea if any person other my uncle made or served it to her. And God forbid if for any reason my uncle did not make or serve tea to her, she would not enter the kitchen itself forget cooking. My uncle had to first make the tea and serve her and only then would she enter the kitchen. One good thing about this was no matter how big the quarrel between the two of them, it would have to be resolved by a cup of morning tea else the whole house would go hungry.

As for me and my husband, we get up in the morning and wait for the maid to come and give us the morning cup of cheer.